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Bernstein Leonard Wonderful Town One Hundred Easy Ways To Lose A Man Betty Comden and Adolph Green music by Leonard Bernstein RUTH NOW THE FIRST WAY TO LOSE A MAN -- YOU�VE MET A CHARMING FELLOW AND YOU�RE OUT FOR A SPIN. THE MOTOR FAILS AND HE JUST WEARS A HELPLESS GRIN, DON�T BAT YOUR EYES AND SAY, �WHAT A ROMANTIC SPOT WE�RE IN.� Just get out, crawl under the car, tell him it�s the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin. THAT�S A GOOD WAY TO LOSE A MAN. HE TAKES YOU TO A BASEBALL GAME, YOU SIT KNEE TO KNEE. HE SAYS, �THE NEXT MAN UP AT BAT WILL BUNT, YOU�LL SEE.� DON�T SAY, �OOOH, WHAT�S A BUNT? THIS GAME�S TOO HARD FOR LITTLE ME.� Just say, �Bunt? Are you nuts?!! With no outs, two men on base, and a left-handed batter coming up, you�ll walk right into a triple play just like it happened in the fifth game of the World Series in 1923.� THAT�S A SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN. A SURE SURE SURE SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN, A SPLENDID WAY TO LOSE A MAN. JUST THROW YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN HIS FACE, HE�LL NEVER TRY FOR SECOND BASE. Ninety-eight ways to go. THE THIRD WAY TO LOSE A MAN -- THE LIFE-GUARD AT THE BEACH THAT ALL THE GIRLIES ADORE SWIMS BRAVELY OUT TO SAVE YOU THROUGH THE OCEAN�S ROAR, DON�T SAY, �OH, THANKS, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED IN JUST ONE SECOND MORE.� Just push his head under water and yell, �Last one in is a rotten egg� and race him back to shore! THAT�S A SWELL WAY TO LOSE A MAN. YOU�VE FOUND YOUR PERFECT MATE AND IT�S BEEN LOVE FROM THE START. HE WHISPERS, �YOU�RE THE ONE TO WHO I GIVE MY HEART.� DON�T SAY, �I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DEAR, LET�S NEVER NEVER PART.� Just say, �I�m afraid you�ve made a grammatical error -- it�s not �To who I give my heart,� it's �To whom I give my heart� -- You see, with the use of the preposition �to,� �who� becomes the indirect object, making the use of �whom� imperative which I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart� -- THAT�S A FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN. A FINE FINE FINE FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN, A DANDY WAY TO LOSE A MAN. JUST BE MORE WELL-INFORMED THAN HE, YOU�LL NEVER HEAR �O, PROMISE ME.� JUST SHOW HIM WHERE HIS GRAMMAR ERRS, THEN MARK YOUR TOWELS �HERS� AND �HERS.� YES, GIRLS, YOU TOO CAN LOSE YOUR MAN, IF YOU WILL USE RUTH SHERWOOD�S PLAN: ONE HUNDRED EASY WAYS TO LOSE A MAN! |
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